Chic Eats Teeth
by TheRiverdaleVampire
Summary: This is a purposefully humorous story about Chic Eating teeth. But its also a really good story.


Chick awoke in his new home, with his new family. A family he hadn't known until now but that he felt so natural with. He got out of bed and put on his bowling shirt . Then he went to the bathroom and did his morning bathroom things.

When he got out of the bathroom he took a cursury glance at his computer. Hmm, no camming today. He already put on his bowling shirt.

Chick jogged downstairs like a dad might although he was only young, It made him think he was kind of like the man of the house, though. Which was cool. He went into the kitchen and to the fridge but when he opened it to get his milk he noticed that all the milk has been drunk. He was visibly shaken by this and had to close the fridge door.

Chick walked back up the stairs and knocked on his new sister's door.

"Betty?" Chick softly called "Hey, Betty? Are you awake?"

"hold on!" Betty called back. There was some shuffling noises before she opened the door. Adjusting her robe, she said "what do you need , Chick?"

"oh I was just wondering if-" Chick stopped mid sentence when he noticed something off about his sister, he couldn't place it but then...he saw it.

The white milk mustache above her lip.

"YOU!" Chick said very upset.

Betty looked at him with that confused face she gets sometimes which is also her angry face, you know the one. "What are you talking about, Chick?"

"The milk, Betty, you know I need my morning milk for my bones!"

"Well , Chick, If that is you're real name, or was that Charlie? Some people in this family also like to drink milk. You can't just have all the milk because you like it so much!"

"You could at least have left a note!"

"A note? Where? In the Fridge?"

"Yeah! Its only common curtasy! Back in my old apartment we always left little notes to eachother when we finished something so that we could buy more! and to also apologize if someone in the apartment really liked the thing we finished."

"You-in your apartment? how many people did you share a fridge with?"

"The whole building!" Chicks eyes were getting a bit runny.

"Chick...Don't cry. We'll buy some more milk. I know your upset because mom usually keeps a fresh stock of cows milk, which btw isn't really that good for people anyways. but she usually keeps a few bottles on hand so I can see why you'er upset its gone. ok? She'll get some more. I'll text her right now, ok?"

"o-okay" Chick said while wiping his eyes.

Betty put a hand on his back to comfort him. "Why don't you go put on your movie theatre shirt? That always makes you feel better."

"No, its ok. I already put on my bowling shirt."

* * *

Chick sat on his light blue plaid bedset that used to be Polly's but that his mom said that she bought new just for him. He was thinking about what he could do to get calcium.

Think, Chick, you gotta think. How are you gonna get your daily calcium? Chick thought lightly. He was also thinking about if he got paid yet for that sexy movie theatre themed photoshoot yet. And about how he always loses at board games against his mom. Now that Chick thought about it he was pretty sure she cheated.

Then Chick got an idea. Oh , yeah! Remeber that nature documentary with bird eating deers? They ate bird skulls to get the calcium they weren't getting from the grass because there was like, too much salt in the ground or something. idk i dont remember. but yeah! that could be an option. I could like. maybe catch a bird or li- Chick went on in his head like that for awhile before he settled on eating teeth.

First Chick got the big bottle of baby teeth that Polly had left under the floorboard under the carpet of the floor.

Gulp.

Gulp.

Gulp.

That was three teeth he just ate.

"MMMM-mmm! That was some good calcium! I feel stronger already! Or at least my bones do." Chick said out loud. Very out loud. It was so loud that it woke up archie in the house across from them. Because thats where Archie lives.

"Keep it down, Chick!" Archie and Betty both yelled at once. It was kind of a funny thing they said sometimes together when Chick was being loud.

Chick was very embarrassed and had to leave the house imediatly. He grabbed his teeth bites and his messenger bag and headed out for his daily walk.

On his walk chick saw a dog , he said hello to the dog in his mind because he was too shy to say it out loud. After the dog event Chick felt something...strange...stirring within him. He looked down and saw that his bones where simply buldging out of his skin! He felt them and they felt strong and sturdy. He'd never felt healthier or happier in his life!

"gee wiz, teeth really work" he whispered to himself so that no one on the street could hear and so he wouldn't embarress himself further.

Then he went home to show off.

* * *

Chick knocked on betty's door very loudly and laughed his cruelest laugh "ha ha ha!"

Chick only saved that laugh for when he was either angry or ready to show off. Right now he was ready to show off:

his big strong bones.

Betty opened the door "what, chick?- GASP- you...your bones! You look just like a skeleton man from a nancy drew cover! except like a strong one! with skin! What happened , Chick? What happened to you on your walk? Are you alright?"

"Never better. in fact. you can feel my bones to see how strong they really are."

She did.

"Well. They are strong. So I guess its fine."

Chick was really happy for the approval even though he wanted more jealousy from her.

* * *

~A week later on The Ellen Show~

[Ellen dances onto stage]

Ellen DeGeneres: Hey its me, Ellen. I've got a youthful personality. and face!

(note: The author of this fic has never watched Ellen, and knows absolutely nothing about her except that she had a ride at disneyworld and that shes old enough to be my grandma)

E: Today I spooked my wife by jumping out of the big vat of teeth we have in our kitchen, which brings us to our first guest, Charles "Chic" Smith, come dance up the stage , "Chic"!

["Chic" does a sexy dance onto stage]

E: that was a really sexy dance I bet. Now Tell us about your calcium craving.

Chic: Well it all happened when my lil' sis plumb drank all the milk so I had to. y'know. get creative. And I like to think of myself as a pretty creative guy by nature so. it was pretty easy for me.

E: [laughs] Well, ever since your book came out. I've been buying up teeth and eating them like crazy, and what can I say? My bones are strong!

Chic: yeah , they get like that.

Betty shut the tv of with a flick of the remote. She could'nt stand all the attention chick was getting for his big beautiful bones. She had to do something about this.

She put on her wellies and went out to the big log in riverdale woods. It was still there. The corpse of the guy who was chicks friend or something. she didnt remember she just helped clean it up. She got out her pliers and plied all the teeth out of the dead man's mouth. Yum. A hearty supply of teeth, and only one nasty metal one that she could sell later to the gun shop so that they could make it into new bullets.

When she got home she chugged all of those little guys.

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

yum

That was 18 delicious, delactible, scrumptious, teeth she just ate.

And her bones. oh boy. Chick would be jealous if he was here and not over at Ellen's right now. Oh boy. he would get a real kick out of this. and not a 'kick' in ,like ,a funny way or in a literal way ,he'd just like it and be jealous.

She looked at herself up and down in the mirror. man were thos some good strong bones.

Her skull had finally grown to be torso sized. her arm bones, guess what? the size of the wide part of the oars of a row boat but thicker and longer. Her eyes were so small , so were the rest of the features, yet she had no problem with them at all. the strong bones had actually helped her terrible eyesight that she had been hiding from everyone for years. she was finally free of all her burdens.

Her leg bones wer thick as an elephants bones and her ribs were exactly the same as they were before, yet they were reinforced with a denser bone around them so that they were stronger than the average rib of a person.

She kissed her reflection in the mirror. "mwah! those are some strong bones , Betty, these'll make chic jealous for sure!"

Betty went downstairs into the family room (the one used only for special occasions ) and sat quietly and politely to suprise chick when he came home.

But he never did.

On the way home chick started eating his own teeth because his addiction was too much. and that led to him eating even more of his bones until there was nothing left. he dies that evening.

Betty was so upset with herself. "I wanted to make him jealous so badly...I didn't even realize all of his struggles. and now. he's gone forever."

Their mom was upset too.

But the dad? He was glad.

That asshole.

Chic was part of the family!

Don't you even care? about your only son?

The End


End file.
